Sibling portraits when someone would rather leave

At almost every family session with more than one child, there is a moment when one of them decides they are done. Sometimes it is the oldest, who is too cool for this. Sometimes it is the youngest, who would like to be on the floor, or in the car, or anywhere else. Parents always look at me with the same expression: I am so sorry.

There is nothing to be sorry about. A kid who wants to leave is not a ruined session. It is information. It tells me the window for sibling pictures is short, and that I need to stop asking for a pose and start giving them a reason to stay.

Sibling pictures come early

I photograph siblings together near the start, while everyone still has patience. Individual portraits can come later, when one kid is resting and another is happy to be the center of attention. Big family groups with grandparents can come later too.

The sibling frame is the one parents want most, and it is the one that gets harder every ten minutes. So I treat it like a sunset: when it is here, we drop everything else.

Give them a game, not a pose

"Sit closer and smile" works for about four seconds. What works longer is giving siblings something to do with each other.

Whisper something into your brother's ear. Count how many fingers your sister is holding up behind her back. Try to make the other one laugh without touching. Lean on each other until somebody falls over. Those games produce the pictures where the kids are actually looking at each other, which is what a sibling photograph is about.

At the Golembos' studio session, three of them were lined up on an old trunk, and the best frames came when Mom and Dad crouched in front of them, out of the picture, making faces. The kids were not posing for me. They were laughing at their parents. All I had to do was be ready.

Parents belong behind me

That is the single most useful thing a parent can do: stand behind the camera, not beside the kids. When a parent is next to me, the kids look toward my lens and the photo feels connected. When a parent is off to the side giving instructions, every kid looks sideways, and nobody looks like themselves.

I also ask parents to let me be the one who asks. Kids will do for a near-stranger with a camera what they will not do for Mom, mostly because I am new and slightly ridiculous. If I need help, I will ask for it.

Let them move

Some kids cannot sit still, and asking them to is a losing game. So I stop asking. In Suella's maternity session, her two girls in matching blue outfits were much happier jumping than standing, so we let them jump. The pictures of the two of them in the air, side by side, are some of the most alive in the gallery.

Outdoors it is even easier. In the Kutsyk family's autumn session, the two little girls, one in a tan dress and one in plaid, were far more interested in a big low tree branch than in standing on the lawn. So the branch became the location. Sitting on it side by side, holding on, they forgot about the camera completely.

In Brooklyn parks this is the whole approach. Prospect Park has paths to run down and grass to roll in. Dumbo and Brooklyn Bridge Park have steps, rocks, and a lot of space to chase each other with the bridge behind. I would rather follow siblings for twenty minutes and get four honest frames than hold them still for twenty minutes and get one stiff one.

Do not force matching

Families often ask whether the kids should match. Coordinated, yes. Identical, rarely. Shared colors pull the frame together. Matching outfits and matching poses tend to make the picture feel like a uniform. What I want to see is that they are different people who belong to each other.

The same goes for poses. I do not need every child smiling at the camera at the same instant. A big sister looking at a little brother who is looking at the sky can be the picture of the day.

When someone really is done

Sometimes a kid is truly finished, and no game will change that. Then we take a break. A snack, a walk, a few minutes off camera, while I photograph the parents or the sibling who still wants to play. Very often the one who wanted to leave comes back on their own, because now they feel left out. Sessions run one to two hours, so there is room to wait.

What I would tell another photographer

Shoot siblings first. Put the parents behind you. Replace instructions with games. Let them move, and change the location to whatever they are already interested in. And never apologize to the family for a kid being a kid. The pictures they will keep are the ones where the kids were being exactly that.

Family sessions start at $350 an hour, and the gallery arrives in two to three days. Pick the studio, your home, or a park, and send a request. Tell me who is coming, and which one is most likely to want to leave.